As you know I put a lot of store on the impact of birth order on a child’s personality development (find out more).
But birth order doesn’t tell the total story.
Genetics plays a part. Natural talent and temperament is genetic.
Broad environmental factors including your neighbourhood and peer groups also play a part. A safe neighbourhood with plenty of child-friendly adults and positive peers are important for well-balanced development.
The family frame also plays a big part in what sort of adults your kids will become.
The family frame is the total family environment that kids experience. In many ways, the family frame is similar to the brand of a product or service. It is a reflection of how others perceive you and what you stand for as a family.
The following four aspects contribute to your family frame or brand:
The family atmosphere: What’s the atmosphere like in your family? Is it serious or is it fun? Is it a place where encouragement rules or is it a critical, negative place? Is the atmosphere terrific or toxic? Is it a tense place where everyone walks on eggshells or is it a place were humour and relaxation are common? The atmosphere is about mood and mindset. You can impact on the atmosphere by consciously adopting the mood and mindset you want. If you want an upbeat atmosphere then you need to set the tone yourself…….. Shared values and attitudes: What behaviours do you value most highly? What type of kids are you trying to raise? To discover your shared values step back and look at what your kids have in common. If they are all independent, even your most dependent child, then independence is a family value. If all your kids are tolerant of others then tolerance is a family value. Values and attitude are both modeled and taught and reflect parental priorities. Parenting style: Your parenting style will influence the family frame. For instance, a permissive style, where anything goes, often produces a chaotic family style where respect for other is lacking. The preferred style that fits today is an authoritative style that is akin to a guided democracy or a benign dictatorship (find out more). Family rituals and traditions: Rituals and traditions are those habitual, repeatable, unique behaviours that bring you together as a group and also identify you as a family. They include mealtimes, celebrations, birthdays and other traditions that are unique to your family. Rituals not only anchor your kids to their family but they make quite a statement about what you value. My family, for instance, is BIG on noisy, all-in discussion type mealtimes which is reflective of our family as a place to speak out, but respect others at the same time. In many ways, rituals are rep[resentative of family-life.
So take a minute or two to reflect on your family frame. What are the values your kids have in common? Think about the rituals and traditions you are establishing. Reflect on your parenting style and that of your partner. Think a little about the regular family atmosphere that exists.
These all make up your family brand and will leave a lasting impact on the type of adults your kids will become.
